You still gotta eat

I took a quick overnight trip to Fredericton to visit my 92 year old grandfather in the hospital.  His body is failing and in constant pain from cancer that probably has spread to his bones. His mind is still sharp when it isn't clouded from the morphine and Dilaudid. Dad had a few photographs of grandpa as a young man with him. I could see the resemblance now more than ever. Weight loss during his time in the hospital emphasized his bone structure,  reveling a striking likeness to his younger self more than I ever noticed before. Somehow the comparison just made everything seem more real. He told my dad he isn't afraid to die. I haven't had to deal with a lot of loss and death of loved ones in my life.  Mostly right now I just don't want him to suffer anymore. We were able to have a small chat. Dad got him talking and he was able to tell a story of an old friend. He finished the story with a strong punch line, a chuckle and a little smile. He always could remember details and stories and dates. My memory is kinda shit sometimes, so I've always found him impressive for this. A nice memory that keeps popping into my mind is probably from 6 years ago or so. Christmas time sitting at the kitchen table with grandpa while mum was making dinner, maybe Christmas day I'm not sure. But grandpa and I  just casually chatted, sipped a nice scotch and nibbled on some cheeses that mum had put out. I remember talking about how good the blue cheese was. 

No matter what is happening in our lives, we still need to eat. If I'm happy or sad I still think about food. I went to Fredericton to visit grandpa, but inevitably I wondered what we would manage for dinner that night. Mum and I talked about going to a few different places downtown but in the end we decided to stay in and order pizza. It was a Sunday and my first couple of choices were closed.  Also there was sketchy winter weather happening. Fredericton has Luna Pizza and we've been eating there for YEARS. If I am in Fredericton for any amount of time we pretty much always have a Luna Pizza night. I always look forward to the food experience, but it isn't just about the pizza. It is about the combination of their Caesar salad and the pizza. This is so important that each and every time we order Luna pizza my mum will chime in about how she likes the pizza but it wouldn't be the same without the Caesar. She is not wrong. We never skimp on the dressing either, the salad MUST be saucy. I feel I need to mention that the bacon bits are of the simulated variety. WHAT? I know. I don't even know who I am if I like simulated bacon bits. But I do like this meal, a lot. One of my best friends Jenny came over for dinner and wine that night too. I don't know if it was due to stress or just my fleeting willpower but I drank copious amounts of wine and smoked. My hangover the next day was impressive. Maybe I just needed to relax, or to self destruct a little bit. Who knows.